They discuss Matt Hancock’s crap week and Charlie’s newfound love for Jeremy Clarkson. They very (maturely) discuss willies and balls.
Charlie asks listeners for advice on water divining with coat hangers and getting children to organize their own clothes.
And what have you manifested this week? Charlie has manifested emergency wine and a f**k load of washing. Listen to find out what Andrew’s manifested…
If you enjoyed the podcast check out their other episodes https://funnyfamily.buzzsprout.com/
Follow them and engage on Instagram, email andrew@funnyfamily.com or charlie@funnyfamily.com
And as they always say: they love you.
They discuss Matt Hancock’s crap week and Charlie’s newfound love for Jeremy Clarkson. They very (maturely) discuss willies and balls.
Charlie asks listeners for advice on water divining with coat hangers and getting children to organize their own clothes.
And what have you manifested this week? Charlie has manifested emergency wine and a f**k load of washing. Listen to find out what Andrew’s manifested…
If you enjoyed the podcast check out their other episodes https://funnyfamily.buzzsprout.com/
Follow them and engage on Instagram, email andrew@funnyfamily.com or charlie@funnyfamily.com
And as they always say: they love you.
[Music] Hello, welcome, I'm Charlie and this is my husband Andrew. Hello. Our podcast Funny Family is a one-stop shop to making you feel your family is actually normal. Whatever normal may be, I cook, we parent, and we most importantly survive the school playground. Ish. [Music] Andrew, hi. Hi, how are you? I'm right, how are you? I'm very good, thank you. I expect your week has been better than Matt Hancock. Yes, probably Matt Wengock. Matt Wengock, yes. But the best thing is Hancock. The one thing that did come out of the WhatsApp messages is in the pandemic, he called "Unions absolute" and I'm going to show you the word because it's funny. How would - Did you say that? - I would say arses. - Yes, well see that's the thing is it, except our people up and down the country reading that go, "Oh, is absolute arses?" Or I would say absolute arses. And then I go back to my top level dependent pronunciation, but I think Hancock probably is very much an arse. - I think he's an arse. - Well, we know he's that. We know he's that. (laughing) We definitely know that. - I think he ate a lot of arses as well. (laughing) It was an ebrensy, but who knows? - He ate camel's balls. - Did he? Oh, balls or penis. Oh, I know it was, it was penis. Yeah. Well, I'm not as a synpianist. Out is what was it? No, no, it's what, yeah. But Joshy of the world have, unfortunately. Oh, speaking of, what a segue. So we're watching Jeremy Clarkson's farm, aren't we? Clarkson's farm. So I'd watched a few episodes when it first came out and then stopped watching it. Season 2 came out and I saw watching. I said, I think Charlie would like this. even though she thinks Jeremy Clark is a bit of an ass. - Well, I... - Oh, you did? - An ass. - I did. This is true. When it was to do a top gear car because he basically was just, in my head, a toss-pot just driving cars, which frankly sums up most of the male population. But this show, honestly, I've been in tears, 'cause that's clapping and genuinely crying. The sheep thing got me so much. Oh my god, I'm still getting over that. No, but the best thing, so back to the penis thing. Now people are now just going, this is awful. I've got children in the car. We're driving somewhere. You're talking about penis. I can almost see editor Simon there just looking at me shaking his head. No, he genuinely is shaking his head. Look, I'm going to have to run with the penis thing, Simon. So on Jeremy Clarkson's farm-- Is it just called Clarkson's farm? Clarkson's farm. - Yeah. - Okay. So there's two things that I learned. Two things. When a man be, a male be, stings anyone, they die. - Yes, I think yeah, 'cause the stinger, I believe they die, yes. - Which is okay, I'll go with the different part. - You have one go. - You have one go, right? - Yeah. - You know, and I think there's something in that. And then when the male be, when the male be has sex, it's willy falls off. - I learned this as well. Yes, but can I just say on behalf of all women out there, can we introduce this into society? Like you do, you do wrong by me, man, and you're, you're gonna die. You, um, you have, you get bad sex and you're really gonna die. You're really gonna fall off. I, I, all of a sudden, I'm not be. [laughter] Oh, God Lord. The things you learn. The things you learn. And then this was so cruel. Even, even, even Jesa was like, "I can't believe they're doing this." So the baby male lambs essentially so they don't get frisky with their sisters. They have to isolate their balls. I can't believe I'm talking about this on a podcast. Oh my goodness. But anyway, but fascinating. so they have to put a rubber band around it and it takes two days for the balls to fall off. And to quote Jeremy, they've only just been born. Yes, I'm a boy, look, this is going to be fun. And no, before I've even been let out rubber band round the testicles, two days later off thingo. But I have to say I'm liking these farming stance and the morals behind it a lot more. You're trying to introduce this into a society right? Most boys in a ball and we just... They talk about the Queen Bee don't they? Yeah. Now I'm beginning to get it like the women really do rule the Roost as it were. Thank you. Yeah, utterly genius. And the other thing I'm going to do next weekend because obviously I've got a really great life going on. Um, it's I can try water divining. I don't even know why. Why? I know where this water is coming out the tap. And we have a pond. And we have, yeah, okay. But I was fascinated. He got co-hangers, didn't he? Just then metal co-tangering. No, I didn't couldn't tell if he was just putting it on. But then they, they seem to come together when there was a water source. And now I'm just desperate to know if that's actually a thing. fact because someone please write to me on Instagram and tell me is water dividing an actual thing and can you use your bog standards of coat hanger? Or is it just utter bollocks? utter bollocks, but don't you keep bringing it back to the boiler? Yeah, but you have to admit that is quite weird. Yeah, no, I've heard about it before people walking around and I've no idea. But this, but this is the show is actually like, really, it's a bit of emotional rollercoaster and I'm just to make what do you think? - Well, I know I think it's fab and the fact that you've lived near there, I'm from Chipping Norton, right? So I live, I know exactly where he's talking about. I think Caleb's a few years younger than me, so I never knew Caleb, but that's where I'm from. - Caleb is a bloody genius, isn't he? - Yes, oh he is. - Oh he's so-- - The fact that he hasn't traveled, I think there are quite a few people in Chipping Norton that haven't actually traveled like Caleb. They stay bambry as far as you wanna go, Although if you got to Bambri and that's as far as you get, probably put you off going anywhere. - Well, I know that, yeah, no offense to any Bambarians if that's what you're called, but oh my God. I mean, I remember when I lived in Chalbury, Bambri was the nearest like being cute, Sainsbury, that sort of thing. Was it Sainsbury? I'm questioning that because someone's gonna write in, aren't they, and say it's not a Sainsbury, it's a, well whatever it was, it's a supermarket, but I literally had to gear myself up for it because I hated it. I'm sure it's got some really sweet pleasant sides to it. I think it's got a lady that rides a cock horse around there occasionally. Bloody hell, this is, this is a theme on this. All about the cock. All about my god, I'm so sorry if you are on the car. - You know when we publish the podcast and they have a little tick box, they contains explicit content. Is talking about bees, penises, explicit or...? - I don't know, but on Clarkson's thing, the top it says alcohol and foul language. It's like a warning. I feel like we should be doing that for all of this, because both are always involved. - Yeah, I think when it says alcohol and foul language, it's almost like a tag you search. I want to watch programs are about alcohol and foul language. - Yeah, well, I do. I mean, that's a podcast. - That's a podcast, but it represents me. Absolutely. No, yeah, I just totally love it. And I recommend everybody watch it. It's just heart-warmingly brilliant. I think Charlie the accountant is just genius. I think, oh, what's the name of the guy? - Gerald, Gerald. - I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. (imitating John) Right, er. I am from Chippin' Norton. I can't actually remember peaking or speaking like that, but I know they do exist. I haven't got a fucking clue what he's saying, right? Let's be honest, it's so funny. I don't think Jeremy does. He just sits there and nods and goes, whatever. - Yeah. - Moose on, but it is, he's hilarious. (bells chiming) - Manifest Lady is a woman who's brought out two books essentially about how you can bet yourself and achieve your goals. and all the wank that these people normally produce. And she talks about how you have to manifest. I suppose your dreams, I don't even know. I'm so lost. Anyway, Tim loved joy and Simon Rimmett, I'm interviewing this woman. Tim looks so bored. I mean, he didn't even act yet. There were comments underneath afterwards of viewers going, that was uncomfortable. But the best thing is, she's just like, oh, going on and on and on. and I am like, you really are a preachy. Yeah. - Yeah, so I can imagine in his ear the producer's going, dim, you really need to engage now. He was like leaning back on his chair. - He tempted to sit up. - She was, sit up and then he came in with one, just basically going, right, I wasn't broke, we're religion. I didn't do anything, what the, is a man of, how do I manifest? Why decide, I'm gonna do this? Can you tell me how that works? And then she waffled on for the next 10 minutes. - It was, it was uncomfortable. - That show was like one of my favorite, as everyone knows. And it was just one of those moments, you were like, how did she get this gig? It was incredible. But then it got me thinking, what have I manifested this week? 'Cause I thought, I'm gonna get, do you go deep into those thoughts and really think about what I want and how I've manifested it? And it turns out that the only thing, things I've manifested this week are emergency wine and a fuck load of washing. (laughing) Have you manifested anything? No, I don't think I did. I just, this week's been mad busy at work. I've just been meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting. You haven't manifested. You've man-fested. Have you literally been in your office smelling? Smelling. In fact, when I've gone in there with a cup of tea, I have to clean it. Yeah, he did. He actually had to clean his own office. I always thought I'm not touching that thing. Oh, nearly got up and walked out the house, that office. - Yeah, so yeah, that's what youth man of festers but it has been a bit of a crazy week. But you know, she was the most boring lady on planet Earth. But again, if you wanna laugh, what about? - Are you buying the book? - I'm not. (laughing) - Have you reviewed? - I'll buy the one that becomes a satire of those books. - Yes, yeah. - That would be really good. I think I should probably write that. I've been writing my book, I've an eye. And it's about a dragon called Dylan. - Dylan the dragon. - Dylan the dragon and his extraordinary friend George. Yes, and who's the other character that came into it? - The Sherbourne cat with the Viking hat. - Yes. - Who's actual name is Nigel. Oh no, Colin, no, Colin. - Colin, no, it's Colin. - I beg your pardon, it's not Nigel anymore. Colin. - Yeah, Colin, the cat. - Yeah, he's a character. No, I'm quite enjoying that, but it has been so busy. I haven't even really had time to think about Dylan and Dragon. - No. - I do to manifest that. - Yeah, more. - And more cook, more food. - I can't, yeah. - Yeah, you've done lots, go. - I'm really good food. - It's just been mad. - It's been mad, these last few weeks. So I mean admittedly, we had the halftime where I worked and then Ty thought, well, I'm gonna have a week off now 'cause the kids go back to school and it wasn't quite like that 'cause I was working like an arse. - Yeah. - Arse. - Arse, arse, arse, arse. - You were like a dorset arse. - Dorset arse. - Oh, you were like an arse? - I was working like an arse. And then we had the strikes, although again, we had mixed strikes this time. So two of them went in, one of them stayed at home. - Yes. Yeah, it actually did work. So that was, yeah, there's not much of a story in that one. Yeah, that's true. I think it was during strike day that I decided to go through their wardrobes. I do that randomly, don't I? Because I can't keep on top of how fast these children grow. Look, the most amazing thing I think is that I'll buy something on the Monday, say, and then we get to Friday and the trousers or whatever, already fighting with their ankles. Yeah, it doesn't fit. I mean, literally, do I just stop feeding them or what? I don't, it's ridiculous. Yeah, it's extraordinary. Oh yeah, but then also children are really rubbish aren't they, at telling you when they need something? Oh no, that's not true actually. They are really good at telling you when they need a game or a new switch or something. They're really epically on top of that. Yeah. But when it comes to like, does your underwear still fit? They'll like, they'll just force themselves into things that probably should be on a toddler one. Yeah, exactly. I think it's because it doesn't matter how hard you know so Charlie's got this approach It's he does does the washing all done foot clothes nicely folded and it's on your bed So it's up to them to put their clothes away They really haven't got a clue and it doesn't matter how many times how to put clothes away in a drawer So they're nicely organized so you know this is my underwear these are my trousers this is my t-shirts Nope all shoved in I mean it's ridiculous and then they tell me in the morning "Oh, I can't find this, I can't find that in an archer, it's never ending night." In fact, if anyone has any parenting tips for me to do with wardrobes and how you get your children to have any vague sense of organisation, I'd be really mightily mindful. And the tip can't be, do it for them, right? Oh yeah. Because we don't believe in doing it for children, right? We're definitely with Nigella and Matt on this subject, oh, yes. And yeah, that's true. So, Nigel and Lawson and Matt from Saturday Kitchen, the presenter, they have both come out and said that they agree with Child Labour, going back to our podcast last week. And I'm like, absolutely. By the way, guys, by the listeners, I actually have the children still cleaning bathrooms. I mean, admittedly, at the weekends in the week they do soddle. But I suppose they do go to school so I'll give them that but they actually did the bar tms today Yeah, not even much of a complaint on it. No, no, no, yeah It's amazing. It's amazing what you can do forced labor. I think it's right right I mean, yeah, I mean we would get them to do more but we talked about the car washing before and that utterly crap of it I don't know at what point they switched from being shit to something to good at something I mean the one that Aries got very good at recently Right is actually getting up and getting the breakfast things out I know. It's still haven't been asked. No. And she does it quietly. You could take a bit of a leaf out of her book. Oh, I was thinking that this morning. She was up. What do you mean what? We've already told them about your whistling and your clinking of cereal spoon against cereal bowl in the evening and everyone has to wake up again because Andrew's still up watching newsnight. Have a way. We have. So I'll give Harry to give you a few pointers. Thanks. - So much. (laughing) - But no, she's done very well. So I'm really impressed. - She's actually really impressed. - Yeah, yeah. - I think one of the funniest things that someone said to me the other week, it was my dad actually, he said, "Why do we have to review everything in life?" And it's true, isn't it? You buy a hair clip and you'll get a thing through saying, "Can you just review your hair clip on trust pilot?" - Can you rate us? - And then you're just like five stars, flips hair or whatever, hair held back. Great. And so everything's about rating, isn't it? Then you have to rate the bloody, you rate the product, you rate the drivers, you rate the experience online, you rate, I mean, it just goes on and on, but then I was thinking, well, that's all great. But why can't we rate our parenting experience? - What do we rate our children? - Oh, you would know what I would want to see that. - My child. (laughing) Sorry, yeah, you know, one at one. - One star. - One star. - Still a shark. - Can still a D'Aurie Bedair, right? - No, I was just thinking like, you know, I would probably put, there are days when I'm like, well, not that often actually, but five stars, all lovely day, a great walk around, nice chat. Most days are like one star, wouldn't recommend one to refund. (laughing) Or how long does this trial period actually last? - Yeah, can you hand them back? Are you allowed to? What age are you allowed to hand children back? - I don't know, we need to look into Simon, can you look into that, Brad? - Find out what it is. laughing. Officially, like not pretend now, this is for real. At what age can we hand them back, right? So we know. He's just told me in my ear that we wouldn't have a podcast if it weren't for them. I don't know, I've got lots to say, I'd the children do not make my identity so I think he disagrees. Okay, right. Excellent, good to know where you stand. But I have to say children are so funny aren't they? Because this week we're walking to school and the the middle child and the youngest were very serious and said, "Do you know what? We just thought this idiot yesterday, a man driving his car backwards down a street really fast." And I was like, "I think my advice was something like you never want to marry a wine car that's reversing for a car straight." And then Ari said, "Yeah, that's not what should look for in a relationship, they should just love you for who you are. She went, oh, she really, this is very serious about it. But I think the moral of the story is that exactly what I said, you don't want to even date a wanker who reverses fast down the street. And thinks it's cool. And thinks it's cool. No, I agree. Yeah. If I've been out with guys who do that, you know, the parallel park, I have to think what it was because I can't do it. I'm like, I'm doing the actions now. I'm in the car. do parallel parking and then they put their arms around you, basically of your shoulder, and they go in at top speed and they think that you're just going to get really excited and attracted to this person over that and all I'm thinking is shit is going to crash or get your hands off my boot or whatever and I just think it's so funny how men are back to clocks and cars can actually make men just look like idiots. I might not say that. Yeah you are. Yeah I mean I probably tried that failed miserably but although I didn't have really posh cars when I was out. I didn't have sports cars. I mean my- No I haven't tried it with me. No no I haven't tried it with you. No no no no. No he wouldn't do it. No we're already married it's okay. But in the year that we weren't. No no of course. Did you try it? No I didn't. No. No, you just knew. - No, and I was driving in GTI then as well, alright? - You have to get that into you. - Yeah, you see that's how wonky men can be about cars. Yes, you have the GTI version of the car I had. - Yes. - Which is with exceptional car. And then if you really want to tell them, I think my car's going to garage or something and you said, well, it's all right, you can use mine. And I've got in the car and what happened? - Or what, didn't that, you, I can't do it. I can't drive this. I couldn't get the clutch to bite at all. And I don't know. - Well you couldn't start it for a starter. - Oh yeah. - Because unlike yours, you had to put the clutch down 'cause it was a new one, the clutch down in order before you turn the key and you're set to go on this fucking car's broke. I can't, I'm not doing it, the car's broke. I don't know what the fuck you're doing. - It was one of those moments where I had to go, I had to go back inside and say, I can't get the fucking car to start and can you come and help me? And I desperately didn't want to do that because whoever wants to ask for a man's help, not me. And he came out and I saw a glimmer of a smirk on the, on the side of the map and I thought, oh my god, so I have to say, I just ended up not going wherever I was going and I slammed the car door and I was like, I'm like, and that, and I was in a proper, proper piss. - You were in a person, yeah, I agree. - Well, yeah, it's just, it's just, GTI's a shit, and I, I, (laughing) - I've played your tools. Not the driver. - But if you're a man, if you're a B man, you only get to use it once. - Yeah. (laughing) - Oh yeah. (laughing) Good point, good point. (bells ringing) - So when we first met, I used to have lots of, not lots, I had quite a few plants. So I did the indoor plant, but it didn't. I won't be first got to go. Not loads, I didn't look after them very well. I must admit, right? They were looking a bit scraggly and a bit... - They were dead. - Some of them were dead. They were dead or dying or the cactus survived, right? 'Cause it doesn't need much water, but some of them were a bit ropey. - So I go back to this other podcast where we talked about the cactus, like giving you. - Yes. - And you said, "I don't kill things." And anyway, if it starts to look with it, I know to water it. We agreed that that was like me with wine. - Yeah, it's true. And we went to the garden center. So we do the garden, this is like, I didn't take my half day off. - I was going to say, I just needed to clarify there. He didn't take his half day off. We did that this morning and that's being saturday. So actually I went around a cold garden centre on a Saturday morning and I won't see him all up next week anyway. So, okay. - I will still take it. I'll take half day off when it's sunny because we went around today and it's utterly miserable. The garden's end is fine, but just all the plants are looking crouched. The garden looks far out. It really is utterly miserable. - Well, so I've taken a new approach. I didn't really like your plants when I first moved in here. - No. - But as you say, they were dying or dead, so there's probably good reason behind that. But I am a bit funny about which house plants I have. But to me, some house plants look really granny. Others can look a bit offesy. - I had some spider plants. I think they're about 70s, aren't they? - I don't know, but now you've insulted everyone who's got spider plants. - Oh, I don't know, but I think it went wrong. - I don't even know which one was the spider. - Yeah, the one that looked like a spider that had the little babies that come out and then they grow new ones and then other ones too. - They're supposed to clear the clean the air, right? So they purify the air. - It was take a hell of a lot more than a fucking hour. It's so clear the air when I moved in. Oh my God. Anyway, you brought that on yourself. - I was fine. I was fine. - He thought that he probably thought the plant would do all his dusting and vacuuming as well, didn't he? - No, no, I had a cleaner. - She came in once, she's delightful woman, but she came in once a week for an hour. She came in two hours. - Two hours, two hours. - She's chatted to you for a while. she worked that well, yes. Yes, she worked that well and then she did the absolute basics. But then to be fair to her, I didn't know her a lot of time. Having even break the back of the ice all over the world. No, no, no, I just said to do the bathrooms. But she was really good, but I just, no, you just, one hour, you've gone. It's not an hour, if you need to, yeah, you need to employ people for a longer. You don't need to do it, you need to marry me. Yeah. And I spend hours cleaning the house every single day, like a good 1950s housewife. That's what actually happens. back to the plants. No, so now I'm like well everything outside looks dead. I find that really depressing because I love my gardening so I've started buying indoor plants. As I said, a bit funny about which ones I get but our house is now starting to look like Hugh Gardens isn't it? It's very nice. It's tropical. But it kind of gives me a bit of hope. So I'm going to make you promise on air and and Simon you're here to witness this, that you will take a half day off when the weather is warm and you will allow me to buy a shitload of plants. I promise. Look I did my cup thing there right? Yeah yeah, my beavers thing yeah but there's a hole over there. I thought you was back to flick his little finger actually. Now I know where I stand. But I just miss guarding so much but I see I've I've seen this morning, have a night in the pond. I saw this morning, I've seen this morning. - Oh yes. - Really good English, I've seen this morning. - Who are? - I've seen this morning a massive toad in our pond. - They're toad in the pond. - Yeah, I saw that. And... - But we've been looking, we've been encouraging them, haven't we? I don't know how. We sort of put the pond in and we sit there going. - We sent out the invite. - Toadie. Toad, come on toad frogs. Free pond. - Or probably ribbit. - Toadie, ribbit. - Ribbit, ribbit. - Orday, every day. - The hotel it's been the end of a very long week when podcasters are doing frog sounds. - Froggy with a brush and so on. - But no, great, he's in the pond. - He's saying he's so happy. - He's done, happy, fabulous. - He's with the fish. - Yeah. - Yeah, having lovely time. Because we've had frogs before, but I don't think I've seen a toad, so that's quite exciting. - We're assuming it's a toad, I'm not an expert on this. - Me neither, we didn't have to blow the... (laughing) They've had frog now, I wanted to sound like I was like Monty Don. - Yeah. - Going around my massive estate, looking in my pond and stuff. Yeah, yeah. If you saw a garden, you'd realise it's not massive, in fact. But everyone, you know, like a higher-synth bucket. Yeah. Yeah, I like to pretend. Yeah. And the pond, just going back to the pond. So we had, we were on pond three now, I think. Right? So we started with a wooden pond that went in, that was above the ground and... With a line. With a line? No, no, no. It was a wooden one with a line and it was all right, but just a bit like a paddling pool. Right. I did not good. So then we went and bought a pond and we dug a hole and we put it in. And then we got married. And then we came back after our wedding, the next day, what did we do? When most people go off on a honeymoon, - Oh, wait. - What did we do? - Well, I made you dig a massive pond. - We had to dive into the garden. - I will put pictures up. It was really hot as well, isn't it? I'll put a picture up on Instagram because he looks really pissed off. (laughing) And I'm like, "Yeah, this is so exciting, isn't it?" And he's like, "Not really." Yesterday we were getting married in this beautiful location. And now I'm knee-deep in mud. No, where is the fun in that? Where is I thought? I thought it was a way to start married life. It's about being realistic, isn't it? Yeah, ground, it's ground. And it's not the fest, it's even what I did there. It's my head, I'm manifested this idea that we were going to make this pond, and it worked. Yeah, most people have a honeymoon. - Well, we didn't have a honeymoon. - No. - We had a family moon. - Yes. - A few days after that, where we went to Darbyshire. - Oh, we did, yes. - And we, oh God, well, we went on this long walk which absolutely killed me. - Of Manto. - Manto. - We did Manto. Which is Manto is, if you know the area, we did walk. - It's beautiful, but we went to Manto. - We were also fighting like 100 mile per hour winds. So by the end of it, I just lost all sense of humour. Yeah, we spent a lot of time in that one pub, and then they had that booth, didn't they? It was good, yeah, I could have it. It was a Covid booth, wasn't it? It was that's right. The pub where people could go outside, they could book the booth. I think during Covid times, you're saying here, well, we sat basically in that booth. A lot. A lot, and the kids went just up the road. Only a little short way of the road, there was a park. Yeah. Just around the corner. And then who did we see? We saw them a camp, but I'm not taking that story any further. If I told the audience what your comment was at that point, probably we would be massive problems. But it was funny. You know, in a weird way. In one of those moments where you know as a couple you go, but this never goes any further, but we did wet ourselves with laughter. But I'm afraid folks, I can't tell you that, but if you message me personally, I'll tell - Oh, you're the star. (laughing) - But never in Mam Talk, right back to that. So the Mam Talk walk that we did, we every walk we do now is Mam Talk, three, Mam Talk, four, 'cause I get comments when I do these stupidly long walks, another fucking Mam Talk. - Well, because this is what you actually do. You sell it to us like this. You go, 'cause with me, you have to sell it with a pub or something. So you go, yeah, we're just gonna walk to the pub and it's just over that little hill there. And I look at us, I can see the hill. I'm like, "Okay, yeah, I can do that." And by the way, I make myself sound really unfit. I actually love my fitness. - Do you, could you try and look? - No, no, you're convinced by that. - You're like walking. - I like walking. (laughing) - Excellent. (laughing) Who's the one who brought a peloton into this house? - You did. - Thank you. I mean, we all know you're a weird fitness guy, but I'm like a certain level. - My trep was back now, by the way. - Oh God, it fucking goes up hill again. - Yeah. - Anyway, speaking of that. So then you look into the distance and you see this little hill and you think, oh, but there's a pub on the other side, and it's gonna be one of those really nice, old English country pubs, it's gonna have a fire. I can feel it. I can feel it in my bones, it's gonna have a fire. There is a bottle of peanut grease show with my name on it. - Yes, mostly. - And I set out, and I'm there. - Determine. - Yeah. - Then we get to set hill, and I can't see a pub. And I'm like, where's the pub? And you're like, oh, it's just over the next hill. And so it goes on until I literally am about to lose my shit. - Yes. - Yeah, and you do with the children as well. Just round the corner, there'll be a sweet shot. Why we all keep falling for this? Well, we don't anymore. - No, there's the bump. - No, no, no. - Now we're like, there's only one walk we'll do because we know the route and we know if he goes off. - Tiste. - If he goes off these. - We're not going down there. I know where it goes. - No, I know where the other. - And the pup is on the way there. - I know where the village shop is And I know where the pub is, so Andrew, you're gonna have to rain that in and realise we are not some sort of - What? - Keena Beena family. - Yeah, Leena Beena, is that it? - Keena Beena. - Keena Beena's, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know Keena Beena families? - No. - Well, I described people like, what do I mean? And I mean this in the nicest way. But Keena Beena families, you know, and I think I say this with envy actually, more than anything. but you know they'll get up on a Saturday and they'll go for a family swim and probably hike their way back home, why not? And I don't know, just collect their own eggs from the farm shop on the way back and then do a cycle ride and then learn how to roll escape in the afternoon and then by the evening they've, oh they've, they've hashtag made so many sodding memories and they are so bonded it's really sweet. (laughing) - Well, there's our house. It's something like, mom, come on, tablet. I think you've had too much tablet time this week. Oh, okay, I'll just sit here and watch you whilst you eat your breakfast. Fine, go and your fucking tablet. (laughing) - No, I'm sure most people are like, no, there are families, there are keen adeenas as you call them. I think we do quite well. We do try and balance it. Yeah, we agree with child labor, so they have to do work. They're not doing enough. We need to up the amount on that. But what we do like is a pub that has a little park that the children, they can have their christen coke 'cause when I was little, what happened when we went to the pub? I can vividly remember, there was lots of occasion, but one remember, we went to the bell in Einstein. Now the bell doesn't exist anymore, it's now houses. But we would turn up in the pub and you'd sit in the car. Your parents off they go into the pub, start an hour later, hour and a half later, They come out with a bottle of Coke. So you get your Coke and then they go back in the pub. Nothing. Another hour and a bit later, packet of crisps. Then back into the pub, carry on drinking. - Don't leave the car. - Don't leave the car. So you're setting there with my brother, fighting with my brother, right, you've had the Coke, you've drunk the, you've drunk the crisps, eat the Coke. Right? But basically, you spent a whole evening in the car. You didn't go in the pub. There was no, there's none of this today where they have soft play areas for children. - No, no, you're sitting the fucking car, we're going in the pub to drink. So we follow those really good, principled approaches to pubs now, we do allow them in, they can come in and have some in-dweet and sit by the fire case, but generally look at us apart, hey, go play. - But actually, realistically, they actually prefer it anyway, that they're just like, God, you're so boring. They look at us like, really, is this all you can talk about? - Yeah. - And the saddest thing is you also talk about your own kids a lot, don't you? It's like, we know what you're like, We know what they're like. We still do it though. I think it's therapy. I think by having like that point in the pub and just talking about how shitty they've been that week, you're kind of just getting something off your chest and you come away feeling a bit more, I want to say optimistic, but it's probably drunk. But whatever it is, it works beautifully. By the way, speaking of endstone, isn't your friend Richard? - Yes, yeah, hi, Richard, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, hi, Richard. - Born and bred. which is, yeah, he got in touch this week, didn't he? - He did, yeah, I'm not sure if it was eight or something. - Yes, that was really sweet. And ask me about making burgers, fantastic question. Act really think about that one. - Yeah, no, it's very good. - Yeah, no, so we love hearing from listeners, don't we? - We do. - So we don't want you to rate us necessarily, 'cause that was the go about the other one, but please do feedback, right? Tell us you like us, feedback, ask questions. If you like the podcast, let us know. If you want us to talk about something, let us know. - If you want to mention. - Let us know. - No. - Yeah. - We can pretend we're like Steve Wright or whatever. Simon is the again shaking his head. (laughing) Okay, I don't have as many years in the bag as Steve Wright, but I can do it Simon, thank you very much. - I can be a bit Ken Bruce. No, no, he's gone. - Oh, he's gone. (laughing) And we won't get started, no, we all know how much we've done. - A week too late though. What do you mean? - I think a week too late, I think Ken Bruce had gone before. Well, I was stuck in a bloody MRI machine the other week. - Of course. - I thought, I go back to, I did have my MRI, right? So I was stuck in a bloody MRI machine. Now I was getting a bit nervous going in and they, so I'm having my head scanned, right? And they put this mask over the top of you and they got this mirror on it and they said, "You can see us." And I went, "I've taken my bloody glasses off. I can't see squat." Oh, would you like a mask? I put a mask on and I put radio on and they said, "What radio station would you like?" And I said, "I'll radio five." And they went, "We can only do radio two." And I went, "Okay, it's early, so a ball, that's fine." a bit of Zoe Bork coming up. I'm in the machine. Now I'm in the machine for the best part of an hour. Halfway through my scan, it twitches to Ken Bruce. I mean, this is like torture. I'm in an MRI machine stuck with Ken Bruce in my ears. I mean, Jesus Christ. Nobody needs that. Nobody needs that when you can get out of a situation. You know, I can leave a room when he's on. He's not going to be on anymore. But when he was on, I could leave the room, but being stuck in an MRI scanner, That is just cool. It's like waterboarding. That is, isn't it? I've never been waterboarding, but I'm sure it's the same. Oh, I think it's... I think it's... I think it's worse. It's worse, actually. I think we're going to have to get your counsellor. Yes. In all honesty, that is appalling. Ken Bruce, I'm sure it's a lovely, lovely man. But I didn't like that. But he just... I'm sorry to say for everyone who loves him, but I just find him really dull. Oh, and on that positive note, I just have to say one sorry. sorry for the yapping dog in the last episode. That was because now that we have locked the dog out of this particular area he was in the garden and decided he was missing out on all the fun in here so now he's actually locked in the house. The joy of having such a vocal dog. To the person who got in touch with me saying, "Would I like some free merch for the dog who turns out to be more famous than us. Yes Bob says he'd love that. Happy to have his pick to take him. Happy to have his pick to take him and sends his love. Oh no, so sweet. But anyway on that note it's been lovely chatting. Has lovely yes. I love you. Love you too. Okay love you all. Love you all. Bye bye. Bye. Bye.