Charlie relays a cringe-worthy exchange with a tiler. The children try and figure out if Charlie was born in the Grim Times or 1935. The duo discuss ads from the olden days and give us further insight into their Good Life… Two-hundred frogs (or toads) leaping around their garden in the future, and all the normal bants.
If you enjoyed the podcast check out their other episodes https://funnyfamily.buzzsprout.com/
Follow them and engage on Instagram, email andrew@funnyfamily.com or charlie@funnyfamily.com
And as they always say: they love you.
Charlie relays a cringe-worthy exchange with a tiler. The children try and figure out if Charlie was born in the Grim Times or 1935. The duo discuss ads from the olden days and give us further insight into their Good Life… Two-hundred frogs (or toads) leaping around their garden in the future, and all the normal bants.
If you enjoyed the podcast check out their other episodes https://funnyfamily.buzzsprout.com/
Follow them and engage on Instagram, email andrew@funnyfamily.com or charlie@funnyfamily.com
And as they always say: they love you.
[Music] Hello, welcome, I'm Charlie and this is my husband Andrew. Hello. Our podcast Funny Family is a one-stop shop to making you feel your family is actually normal. Whatever normal may be, I cook, we parent, and we most importantly survive the school playground. Ish. [Music] How are you doing Andrew? I'm very good, thank you and you. you? Yes I'm very good. I have to say I'm quite impressed with your invitations to the Toads or the frogs we can't say with the pond. The Toadie Toadie Toadie. Yes. Was it the last podcast? Oh the one before I think. Yeah. You were doing Toadie Toadie. I don't know, let me... Toadie, toadie, come on from every pond. Toadie. Yeah. Very embarrassing. Well that's what I thought. And then the day before yesterday I looked in the pond and we have loads of total frogs form. So I don't know if you are some sort of toad whisperer. Maybe I am, maybe there's an unknown skill I should try. I don't know but we have so many and the joy of that is, although I absolutely love wildlife in the garden, it's that thing when you're gardening and they leap out of nowhere and scare the living shit out of me. So you want to embrace it but you're sort of also like, can you stay in your corner? If they all turned into a little frog, it would be like, there would be some typical 200 in there or something. Yeah, I'm who knows. There's loads. Yeah. But I used to collect it as a child and you'd pick it up and put it in a jar and take it home. And then what? And I'm no idea what my mother did with it. It went away. I'm just going to say she flushed that lure like that. Then when the goldfish, we all know where they went. Yeah. So we shall see. We shall see how many frogs. Well, anyway, well done to you for sending out the invite to what I still think is a toad. What else should I ask for? Lamborghini. Lamborghini Ferrari. A mansion. I don't know what kind of thing you can conjure up. Wine, wine, wine. Well, I have to say, our youngest, she said to me this week, "Were you born in the grim times?" (laughing) - Which in all honesty, through me for six. I mean, was I born, and I first of all had to clarify what did the grim type of, the 80s weren't brilliant. There was a bit of thatcher and all that going on. So I wasn't caught, I was like, God, she's really switched on. If she thought that was grim, it is, that was grim. - Well, I could say compared to now, the 80s were like, I saw a person, we wanna go back to, in the 80s we looked at the future. Now we're sitting there, can I go back? In the 80s please, much better. - Anyway, we established, she established for me that the grim times actually meant that children lived in orphanages and there was no electricity. So I had to explain that, no, when I was born there was electricity. I think, in fact, in fact, East Enders had just started. I was sort of around that era. Without giving it away, it's very early on in the 80s. Very early 80s. But definitely not Victorian era now. No. But then I say to the eldest when we were in the pub on Saturday, when, when, when I do think I was born and he said, now at very mind he's almost 12. He said, well, I don't think it was the 18th century. (laughing) I'm like, no. And but he settled on 1935. - 1935, yeah. (laughing) - I know I'm looking tired and I know I'm looking rough and God I'm trying to put as many creams on as I can. But really? - But yeah, and he can do maths. I don't understand this. And then we work out and he sort of realises, hang on a minute, that's sort of 90 years old. - That also makes her older than her own dad. - Yeah, which is weird. - But yeah, it's been with. - But children can be really brutal, can't they? - Yeah, and they look at you like, what, why are you looking affected by that? - Why is that a problem? - Yeah, why are you a problem? But then if you turn around to them and say anything, they're like, their eyes will well up with tears. And they'll be like, I can't believe you're supposed to be like that. which was the stop running at the ducks on the way to school this morning. - Oh yes, yes. Tell them about that one. - Well, we crossed the bridge on the walk to school. Normally it's the dog going out to them, but no, there's a duck on the bridge. So they both decided to charge this duck, which we were like, "I get it, but no, please, poor duck." - Well, more that went through my head is that we saw a woman that we see most mornings. And I'm just like, that's just, it doesn't make me look a good parent. So whether I agree with it or not, I have to shout. Yes. It's just how I parent it. It's very mature. Do I look good or not? Do I look good? Absolutely. That's all I think about. Yes. And anyway, we told them off. I think the middle one, middle child, was like, yeah, whatever. It's a duck. And then the youngest took it very personally and couldn't believe she'd been so intense if it's the duck. To which I said, don't worry, because it will soon be baited into a duck allarange or something like that. really yummy. So you know just to give you a light to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, life is brutal. Yes, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I suppose mixed messages there don't run at the dark but certainly kill it to make it a good meal. Go back to the Jeremy Clarkson, you know, Clarkson's farm, right? And you see, you know, and he's struggled with the animals, right? Yeah. The other thing we've got from Clarkson, what were you, as we were walking past the cattle shed, what drew your attention this morning? Oh my god, but also the most embarrassing things I shouted it out because I'm so excited. I'm so into Clarkson's farm. I was I'm all past and went oh my god he's shacking his other one or whatever. Shacking the other one. I didn't even know if they're men or women which is why I slow down that. I don't know the cows. They're pros. What's their pronoun? Baffle penguin. No idea. Pam. I don't know. I don't know what they were. They were having nothing. They have nothing and I got very excited. Yes, out loud. Out loud. I know, sometimes I must remember, keep thoughts in head. Yes, I'm very worried. Yes. Well, anyway. I thought of a story the other day, that this is a true story. In my old life, which I call, you know, with my ex, with that, you know, with the unhealthy relationship one, we were having some work done in the house and a Tyler basically had all the doors open, you know, when they just go in and out, I'm like, to be fair, they don't want to keep close. Yeah, causing a mess. Yeah, but you're causing a mess. Yeah, causing a mess. It's the middle of winter, but you just kind of sit there with your blanket around you, going in the end, it's all going to be worth it. So this time it's going in and out. He worked for us for, I think, like, three days, did a superb job. Anyway, by the end of the third day, I'm positively fed up. I finally finished clearing up and I was absolutely freezing if the house was Arctic. So then I send a text to my ex saying, "Oh, God, finally it's finished. I'm going to get into a hot steaming bath. I don't know why I put the words steaming in, by the way. Well, with my ex, no. Our relationship was not healthy. I can't tell you this. Okay. No, no, no. So I don't know where that came from. It's probably the writer in me, right? Fifty shades of grey. I then got into said bath and you know that awful thing when you're, I don't know, a couple from minutes into something and something in the back of your head goes, oh shit. And I had sent that message to the Tyler. I shot a, did you see the Tyler? I told friends this story before they went, well you clearly just fancy the title. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And did he come back? Did he knock on the bathroom door? No, he was meant to come back in the morning. He didn't come back. He didn't come back. So maybe he didn't fancy you. He's like, oh my god. I don't know. Well, yeah, honestly, to look desperate. But it's one of those moments where your heart just sinks and I wear bright red even though there was no one else around. And I was like I said to message saying I'm so sorry that was meant for as in my ex and I never got your reply. No. Poor man. Oh if you're listening to this I can pay for some counts. I think he's fine. Do you think he's all right? Yeah I think we find. I'm sure it happens a lot. I'm sure they get to see way more than they probably are. Yes, I think that's probably true actually. So the other person when we listen to the podcasts, Panicking is Josh Whitakum. Why? Well, he's turning 40 on April 8th. Young lad. Well, I'm 41. I don't know if it is that young. But yes, thank you for that. It is quite young. But he is panicking and it's funny because Rob Beckett is kind of taking the piss out of him going, well what do you think is actually gonna happen when you turn 40? How is your life actually going to change? - I think it has changed. - So then it got me thinking, did I panic? Did you panic going into different decades? - No, no, I sort of pretended it didn't happen. I just, no I ignored it. I really just, pretend it. - That's a good question, I think. - And I've been through quite a few decades, right? - No, I've practiced this. - I don't know, because the prehistoric period started. - No, the grim, I was born in the grim times. - No, you were prehistoric. If I'm primed times, you're prehistoric, okay? Don't you get away with that? - No, no, I tend to just roll on through. Yes, I've not really done the decade thing. - I think I panicked when I hit 30, mainly because I wasn't in a great relationship, but I did want to have children. - Yeah. - That was a bit of a moment for me. - Yeah, I can imagine as a woman, it's the body clock story going on, right? - Oh, well, yeah, I mean, it's that and I'd already messed my life up for them, but I knew I wanted to child and apparently you can't just buy them in the supermarket. It was it was probably all of that sort of stuff. What I love though is when I turn 40, I feel liberated. I think my 40s is way better than any other decade so far. So I'm only looking forward to my 50s. No fab. So I think I should write to Josh and say, calm down. Honestly. I think so. I think you'd be happy about it. It's not like he can look in the mirror and go shit. I'm not really very successful. Am I? No, no, he's doing okay. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. (funky music) Oh, I tell you that we watched new program last night and we rise and fall. Yeah, there's sort of this, well, it's a bit like-- On channel four. Isn't it a bit like the one we watched before, the sort of the, where you vote people off, the good and the bad, right? So we were actually-- We were actually not traitors, not traitors, yeah. Traitors, we were traitors. Can I just say that is such an old person thing to do. It's like, you're say to an old person, "Oh, do you like he's stenders?" And they'll go, "I don't watch the EastEnders." So I'm now turning old. - It's over 40. - So they can, so the traitors. - The traitors, yeah. - Yeah, this is up and down or ups and downs or whatever it is called, but... - It's called Rise and Fall. - A Rise and Fall. - Just give you that. - Rising down, I don't, rising down. The rising dam, the new addition. - You can't make shit out. I mean, I agree that most of the content on this podcast is a lot of waffle bullshit. But I've got an actual program title in front of you on go up and down. Up and down, down, down, down, down, like you blank check with him pen. I don't know what it is. And Ryzen Fall. Ryzen Fall. But no, it's very good. I think we've seen one episode, but the whole boss and the workers and it's like a view on society. But actually it's very interesting. But some, I mean, I don't know if you're on it. Apologies, but and we're talking but I find some people and a good name but wow. - Yeah, well all I can focus on the whole time and this is quite weird. It probably says more about me than anything else, but is there cleavages? Is it cleav- if it's more than one cleavage, is it cleavage? - It's cleavage. - Because it's extraordinary, especially the people who are currently at the top, so the rulers or whatever they're called. There's two women in particular, I know maybe three, three women who have the biggest cahunas, don't know, they are massive and they are not strapped in and they are showing every, I mean I don't want to be rude because I'm not exactly small-chested, okay, but there is a classy way of dressing, you do not need to show everything. Yeah, I mean I would say it's a man normally I'm four cleavages, a cleavai, a cleavai, I mean, it's a positive thing, but no, I would agree. This, it's almost like, I don't know, it's back to like, page three of the sonar. So they basically, I'm surprised they haven't got, it's almost like they've decided not to wear anything on top. And they're not in a good way. It's not a threat. And these are not small women, and this is not making them look sexy. And I don't, I tell you what it reminds me of. Yeah. And I'll bring it up again, Clarkson's farm. You see the others on those cows, right? - That is exactly what you're getting on Ryzen 4. So by the way, if you're really into big boobies, definitely watch Ryzen 4. - Yeah, but there are other things going on. It's still a good program. I mean, it does distract you, but I think it'll develop. I'm quite looking forward to the next episode. - I think it'll develop. - Well, most of them, except for one person, irritate the shootout of me, which is always a good sign that I'm gonna get into. - And I found the one person left already, 'cause he was upset that he didn't go into the boss, the penthouse as a boss. He was put in, he ended up in the bottom, and he did a couple of days ago, "In the real life, I am a boss. "I can't possibly do this," which basically just turns out, as a boss, he's probably a complete wanker. I mean, you've gotta be able to do the work to be a really good boss. You can't just go, "I'm a boss, I don't do the work." So, I don't know, never met him, but, if that's your attitude, I think you're probably just a bit of a wanker. - I agree. So they can do without him anyway. But anyway, as I say, if you're into Clevye, and you like people who irritate the shit out of you. Definitely watch Rise and Fall on Channel 4. But I have to say, is it Greg James? - Greg James, yeah. - Greg James is such a brilliant presenter on it as well. So that's actually really good. (bells chiming) So we watched the first series of the Interior Design program with Alan Cardenwee. - Oh, a full inch. - Full inch. - Full inch, we're still saying now, there was just more an episode where the guy, I mean he's a gay Irish guy and they got quite far, but Northern Irish. - You're all denieries, so when I can't do the accent, right? But we do everything. It's just filled the whole place with this foliage. - And fake foliage, you got it. - Fake foliage, and it was just a little... - It was like some sort of, I mean, I actually don't think even Bear Grills would have been happy in there. (funky music) - On the latest series, they have this American judge come in, don't they? He's from Brooklyn, I think, or something. - Yeah. - Something cool. - Yeah. - You know, it sounds cool. He looks cool, and he just walks in, And frankly, he's got a point. Everything looked a bit shit. I bet he goes back to America going, oh my God, the British, they are so behind the times in interior decal world. But his best line ever, and this is genius, is this. He went into this room and he goes, oh my God, the disjointedness of this is harshening my mellow. I was like, did you actually say that out loud? I mean, am I still asleep? Yeah, the disjointedness of this is harshening my mellow. So I've decided that the disjointedness of parenting is harshening my mellow. Brilliant line though, wasn't it? - It wasn't, you can't write this stuff. - No, you can't, no, and it's so funny. And people just go over the top. I think it's like Lou Elin Bowen, does you have to sort of go over the top right on these things? They can't do something that people would live in often. I don't know, you look at these rooms. - Well, the one guy, his brief was for young children. He couldn't have put more corners into a small space. - How many sharp corners and things can you kill a child on in your one room? Well done on the brief, yeah, your gone. - The sofa was made of plywood and this thinnest bit of material. And I was like, I don't know how you lived. Maybe he comes out for prison camp or something. but the rest of us, like a little bit of... - The one thing I'm amazed at though, when I think this must be an interior design, is that all of the male designers make Allen Car look butch. I mean, I don't know, I mean, it must be a thing with interior design. I don't, I've nothing wrong with it, but I mean, they make Allen Car look like the butchist man on the program. So it takes them doing, 'cause we know what Allen Car's like, right? But it must be a thing, I don't know, must be a thing. Well, I know, because now we're going to get people who are well now, actually, this is quite good. Now we're going to get strapping heterosexual men who can design houses, writing in. Yes, please, as you were. I don't know. You need photos. Yes, don't just write in on our submission form. You have to add a photo. You really have to. And then we were thinking about ads in the 70s and 80s, weren't we? That you wouldn't show now. Yeah, I just... The world has changed. We talk about grim times, and we talked earlier about, you know, actually the 80s. People in the 80s look forward to the future you look back. But actually, the ads we yourself... I can remember the nuclear war. Right, where they were saying, in the event of a nuclear war, make sure you get between a doorframe, put a... Put a mattress next to you and the explosion will go, and it shows how things have been taken out, and then you'll be fine. No, radiation poisoning, you're probably gonna die anyway, but at least it helps you, right? - But the genius thing is, is actually, we probably, I don't know if it's scary or anyone, but of all the times, this is actually probably what we need to discuss this, but they don't do any of that. - No, we don't have any, you know, and how to cross the road, you know, Charlie said. I mean, everyone understood Charlie, wow, wow, wow. - Well, it's in the name, isn't it? - Yeah. - You don't want to understand that. - Charlie, yes. - Absolutely. - Well, Charlie said we have to listen to him. (laughing) - That's exactly it. - It must have been ingrained into my head when I was going. - I went to an American school that we had things about, I actually think these are quite useful things though. I have to say, we would watch, I don't think they're really ads, but anyway, yeah, government footage, whatever you wanna call it. - Yeah. - About if you were to be set on fire. (laughing) - Sorry, that sounded wrong. No, I don't come from Princeton. What I mean is, if you're in a house fire or your clothes set fires, what I'm trying to say, you're not someone sexed, you're a fire. Although same thing applies. So you know, stop, drop and roll and all that sort of thing. And other things I remember with water, all sorts of very interesting facts, which I now basically push onto our children and we can be going on the most jolly walk. Halfway round I'll go, oh, I just thought of something. What would you do if a panther had your right ankle, you were starving to death and your left arm was on fire? - Go. (laughing) - And they'd look at me like, oh Jesus. - No, no, the test. - Yeah, no the test. But then, you know, these are-- - Did you remember them? I said that's the thing. - That's the thing. - Today, the address is just-- - So if you set fire to me to use an adelism, yeah. - And then what? Adele ism. Adele ism. Oh yeah right. I know I spit too quick Adele. Yeah singer. Yeah ism. Okay. And no one of Adele. Okay nevermind. But if you do set fire to me it's alright I've got a little trick up my sleeve and I will just be dropping and rolling. I was funny today when we were walking the dog back from school. So I was talking about Belend's. I'm not sure even why I was talking about Belend's. How did we get on that? I would probably probably don't want to know. But I was trying to decide if Belend was a, I mean, I know it's rude and we know what it means. Again, someone will write in and tell me that as well. I do know, and apparently there's a village in Worcestershire called Belend. I could think of many people who should live then. You could have many Belend's, I mean. That's the point. But anyway, so we'll come - So he ran this corner and this particular corner, the dog does this weird thing 'cause he's scared of the water. So he'll dig his heels in and not move. It literally not move. - It's a mill. So there's the bridge and the water goes under the house and then through where it would have gone through the mill and under the bridge. And on the way there he's fine, on the way back, there's some sound, he's like, I'm not doing it. So you have to carry him. - You have to carry him. - So literally you pick him up and carry him over. - Well, the best thing is, is that I'm coming around the corner and I've now spotted there's a woman around the corner but Andrew hasn't. I, as I come around the corner, I'm going, "Bellend!" And then Andrew comes around the corner with the dog six foot in the air, hanging from his harness, going, "Yeah, bellend's a fine, yeah, absolutely." And I said, "I then said to the woman "because you feel like you have to justify "your existence in moments like that." And I went, "Oh, he's just really scared of the river." She's probably like, "Yeah, fine, "but why are you calling him a bellend?" And I'm calling the dog a bellend, your husband, you know. I still don't know. I was listening to this great phone in on Jeremy Fein the other day about sex education. Right, okay, I'm not listening to this now. And people are basically getting quite worried, parents, I should say, getting quite worried about how visual the content is or how, I don't know, people are talking about choking your partner, how to safely choke them. Yeah, no, this is true. That's an education thing. I mean, it shouldn't really go on any. I mean, this is extreme. Well, it's a good thing. But then, but then, but then, yes, no, but I agree in that. But that got me thinking, oh, are we just from a generation where we barely could say the word without blushing? Yeah. And we're now totally out of touch. Are there just weird teachers out there getting off on that, which in itself is just weird, yeah, weird and needs to be addressed? I don't know, I don't know. Or is it the world? I mean is it that sexy work because of pornography? What are the, that's what they're exposed to. So in a way you have to have the conversation. You have to have the conversation. It's a very, it's a worrying time. It is a snake. I have no children. It is. And I know our elders did his sex education stuff in his last year of primary identity. And he had lots of questions as they always do, which is natural. And yeah, but I don't believe they touched on anything too graphic. But yeah, it's interesting that some schools are deciding to adopt that. Wow, yeah, that seems worrying to me that we're getting to that level that they're almost doing pornography in, and I get this reproduction and the basics intercourse, all this stuff you have to talk about because they need to learn about it, they need to understand. But we should be going on about your body, you get to decide, those really important things about you decide what you want, what's right and wrong. Like my mum said on Sunday, didn't she? She said, "The most important message is that you realise your body is your body." "Is your body?" No one else can touch it, no one else can do anything to it, which I totally agree with. And I actually, I was thinking about my own life and how the Me Too movement has made women even of my age realise actually we've been made to believe that our body is other peoples. And actually it's really not and I think that's so that really is the main message to get this is very serious And it's me who are very serious It's turning to woman's hour Yeah Should we get on this women or whatever it is? Let's go Loose women, loose women This women, you can tell he doesn't watch that Yeah, yeah I wouldn't be very good on it, I don't think Yeah Yeah, the bridge, it just makes you think But so obviously we've got our youngest coming up to sex education scene And I don't know, if someone can justify to me why it has to be quite so visual fine, but you need the justification, you need to know why we've taken those steps. Yeah, and then maybe we're out of touch. And this could very well be the case. And it goes back to the social media and the mobile phones and everything else, going back to you coming off Facebook. And they're all on, I don't think I see kids are on Facebook, because it's only old people that go on Facebook. I think they're on other platforms, you know, TikTok or whatever. The other ones I don't know about, but maybe there's just that much content out there that actually they're exposure to this stuff is such that they need to be told about it as graphic as it is and so on. Maybe they have to go through and say, "You will see these images in a safe space as school is." Maybe they do. I don't know. I really don't know. I can't disagree with that either, actually. But it just gets you thinking, doesn't it? and you want to protect them, but you can only protect them so much and it's a scary world, really. You know, two-ship Bob, our broadeterie, he likes to protect, as we said, the back fence, right? The people wore past them the path behind the garden. Yeah. So he's formed little roots in the garden, which the grass has disappeared in, it's just mud. So Charlie's been out there and done a great job of rare receding and we've got netting out. I'm trying to explain the netting. - The netting is meant to be able to keep out deer. I know it's quite strong 'cause when I was cutting through it, I could barely get through it. So I thought, oh, this is brilliant. So I've put sticks up, I've put, what do you call this camping things? - Yeah, camping hooks. - Camping hooks. - Camping hooks. - No, camping, they're hooks. They're just tent hooks. - Tent hooks. - Tent hooks. - Yeah, they're not camping hooks. - No tent hooks. - That's my, tent hooks, that's it. And I've put it all around. I thought this is brilliant, and the grass is gonna have a real, real chance to come back. - Yeah. - Oh no, not with two ship bob. Two ship bob literally flies over that netting, gets stuck in it half way through. But he will do anything to get to that fence line. - He just doesn't care. - He does not care. - He pretends it's not there. - He pretends it's not there. He's almost like looks at me like, why have you done this? This is really inconvenient. It is extraordinary. - Yes, but determined little shit, right? He is determined. - He always, oh that's, that he is. like yesterday he was really bored I think in sight 'cause you were in your office, I was in my office and he had decided, oh God, they just not pay me attention. So I had just cleaned the whole house and just actually washed this one blanket and what does he do? - Oh, he has a piss. - The biggest piss ever on this blanket and the floor. And I walk in it's like, it's just flowing. I'm like, oh, sorry. - Luckily we've got, yeah, yeah, yeah. Luckily we've got, you know, wooden floor, candy and flooring, so. - Well, I know, but this is why you're definitely not allowed upstairs anymore. - No. - We actually have a staircase, don't we? - We do, I thought when the children got older, we'd get rid of, no, we still got two fucking stair gates in the house, one where we put them in at night and another one to stop him going upstairs. - I know. It is harder actually, I think to have a dog sometimes. - It is. - It really is. - Why do we do it? - 'Cause also you can't explain things although you don't believe that. You always say, well, we don't do that normally, Bob, So why did you do it this time? And I'm always just waiting for Bob to turn around and go well actually Andrew Just I really wanted to piss you off. Yeah, I yes, that's a failing on my party No, it makes me laugh And then this doll's just looking at him like what what the actual Whereas my Approaches generally shouting yes And and roll up newspaper roll up newspaper and and it's interesting. - I got the halty out. We were thinking we'll take him for a walk and then realize, no, it's just an extra training thing. So, dragging him around by his nose is probably not good for training the dog. So I'll have to do another, you know, like a go-kart where you've got one lead and a... - I know you basically look like the dog's gonna be a puppet. - Yeah. - I don't really understand how it works. - Yeah, well, here we go. We'll see how it works. - Although we did see someone we knew the other day doing halty work. And I walked past, and as the most unhelpful person ever. I always like crashing down to the job going, "Hello, how are you doing? You could just see the owner going, could you just fag the ruff?" I'm trying to drain my dog, just piss off. The dog's going, "Oh, hiya, hiya." Well, today, because, you know, my life is very exciting, I am actually sewing my carrot seeds in the truck. You are? In the truck? Fantastic. And I've got onions to go in the allotment, so we did the allotment over. Oh, it's the good life here, honestly. (laughing) That we should just be filmed because it is basically, it is actually like a small holding. It's just filled with a dog and children, but they act the same way. - We got fish and frogs. - Oh, no, that's true. - I know you can't eat that. - We got fish and 200 frogs, so. We can't eat children or your dog either, I just, okay, so I need to remind you of really the requirement. Yeah, we got fish as well, that's true. - I love children, couldn't eat them. - And after the fish, there's so low maintenance. - No maintenance or not quite no maintenance. - Not no maintenance, but I have to say, compared to everything else in this house, they are a dream to work with. - They are, yes. - I think I've fed them like three times over the winter, they're still going, happy as Larry. - Yeah. - I think they are. They might be in there going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What's off fucking awful low, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, just, (laughs) toes, and what are the impressions could we do anyway? I'll be for another episode I think, right? (laughing) - We have quite a few birds as well. - We do, some nest boxes, hopefully they'll arrive and just look into the nest box. Oh, it's probably, it's the good life, however you interpret the good life in this house, right? The good life in suburban Fairford, the good life. - Which is pretty much like the good life was, right? Suburbia. - I know, which is why I loved it, it was genius. - And I am still trying to get you to buy chickens. - Yeah, we're not allowed. It's like covenant on the property. - No, but can't we get quiet ones? - No, no. And they eat everything, don't they? If you put them out, all the grass will disappear. - Will it? - Yeah. - Well, all the grass is disappearing anyway, with the doggy, but we don't want more animals to get in and do the grass. - Okay. - And when we have little diggly things that come up the ground, they eat it. What are they called? - Diggly. - No, what are they called? The daddy long legs, the young-- - I can't remember. It's the eggs of the daddy long legs. - You're the one who told me that. - Love, yeah, the love, use nematodes to get rid of them, but the little love, yeah. - Yeah, although, the get rid of, yeah. - Proper alien life forms in your grasp. This time last year, we had hardly any grasp, and I thought that it was because in the summer, it was so scorched. No, on close inspection, there were millions of these little, wormy, squirmy things, and everyone in this family knows what I feel about worms and slugs. You only have to, oh, God, even just saying the word, I feel like I want to vomit, sorry. Oh slugs. Anyway, yeah, and they were all over, weren't they? Yeah, there were lots. Profly decided. And they just eat all the roots and your grass just dies. There's nothing you can do. Starlings love them, but yeah. Yeah, and then I don't love starlings. So then you've got like millions of starlings, do you know what they're like? They come in packs of about 500. Yeah. When they're not nesting in your guttering piece. Oh God, if you want to see something funny is when we had starlings, yes, exactly that's nesting in our guttering in the garage, wasn't it? - Yes, yeah. - And Andrew was losing his shit. - Well they know, they cause a mess. You know, shit going down in them. - But the best thing is, is you were blocking it off and they were just removing it as well. - I put bricks in there, like physically bricked with cement. - And the styling removed the bricks. - Remove the bricks and chuck them out and went, look, this is my entrance, just fuck off, right? So they were probably, no, we're getting in there and we're moving out. So I've had to go over the top now. properly filled it in. There's none in there right? I'd wait until they've finished and bugged off and I filled it but they have been back every year and they keep looking. Yeah. All I can say guys is you thought Donald Trump was power happy. I'm some sitting opposite one here I tell you. Yeah they haven't come back. No no they can find another one. That one is too high. Yeah. Yeah. Migrations from Mexico yeah. I don't mind them out in the garden and out but not in my garage I don't you love that we're like oh we love wildlife we love it but just not on our turf yeah on our terms Oh we're on our terms yes yeah apparently it doesn't work like that No anyway it's been so lovely chatting and we'd love to chat and too I think we've got a busy week ahead haven't we always always always always always always oh we're gonna go see um Dick and Dom on Friday yes and we can tell you all about it on the next episode yeah we will I don't think there's enough wine in the world for this but anyway I'll let you know what Dick and Dom is like when you're 41 years old. I'll probably love it though and the kids would be like what the hell is that? What the hell is that about? It is an adult version of Dick and Dom. It's slightly adult, right? They do swear I think. Oh, jolly, what are the children are used to? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just shouldn't say it. They can listen to it. That's what I mean. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're getting it now. Yeah, anyway, love you all. Love you all. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye. [Music]